The revenge of the Brother
There was once two brothers named Jake and Justin. Justin was very humble and sweet and he owed his loyalty to his brother since his brother always looked after him. Jake on the other hand was very handsome,strong and mighty. He had a wife and she was very beautiful. Jake would always stay home with his wife and while they would stay home and wine and dine, Justin would be out in the fields taking care of the animals and the harvest. Justin never complained about his work and he always brought food back home. He did this out of love for his brother and his wife. Justin worked day and night and although taking care of the oxen and the grain was very tiresome work he would come back home every night and take care of Jake's and his wife's needs.
One day Justin was surprised to see Jake come out to the field to help him out with the herds. As Jake was walking around the land he noticed that there was still a lot of land that needed seeding so that more grains and harvest could grow. Justin without disobeying Jake's order went into the house looking for the seeds that Jake had told him about. Now, when Justin went into the house he noticed that these seeds were not any ordinary kind. He went into the house thinking that he was only looking for a small bag of seeds. Instead, he found himself in a room full of big heavy sacks filled with seeds. Jake's wife came into the room asking Justin if he needed any help. Justin replied, "No, it is okay I must do this as my beloved brother has sent me in to look for these". Jake's wife was very surprised to see Justin pick up these sacks without any difficulty and she noticed his strong biceps and abs compress when he picked up these sacks. She noticed his beautiful structure. She immediately desired Justin. "Justin, how strong you are", she said. "Wow, your biceps are so nice, it must be so easy working out in the fields with your muscular build. Unfortunately your brother is always here at home with me so his body is not built like yours".
She started caressing his arms and said "Come be with me tonight. I will take care of you forever". Justin immediately saw an opportunity to make his brother pay back for all the work that he had made him do. You see, Justin's heart was filled with love for his brother until he noticed that all he was for his brother was someone to do all his dirty work while he stayed home doing nothing but enjoying the luxury of life with his wife. Justin heart immediately turned dark and his heart sought revenge.
"Wait for me tonight and I will come and get you. My brother was like a father to me until I realized that I was not a son to him but a free worker. I am hurt and now I will take what he loves the most."
"Wait for me tonight and I will come and get you. My brother was like a father to me until I realized that I was not a son to him but a free worker. I am hurt and now I will take what he loves the most."
Author's Note:
I have used the story The Two Brothers: Part One from the Ancient Egyptian Unit. I chose this story because it caught my attention how this brother did everything from his brother Anpu out of love and loyalty. I was impressed with his actions whenever he had an opportunity to lay with his brother's wife and she desired him but instead he rejected her and she was embarrassed. In the end of the story however, Anpu's wife accuses Bata of sleeping with her against her will as Anpu found her in the room distressed. Anpu was furious even though Bata had not committed any harm against his brother. In my story, I wanted to portray Bata's kind and working heart until he noticed who he was for his brother and the moment the his heart turned dark. In the original story Bata is accused of acting against his brother and in my story I wanted to make the "innocent" brother guilty. I think that these stories such as Joseph's story in the bible depict us stories of men that flee temptation and do not act against the people that they respect. I think that in our time it is harder to come across men that act in that manner.
The style of your story reminded me of the original. I did this unit and wrote my story about this story in particular as well, so it was really interesting to read somebody else's take on the story. The ending in particular caught my attention. It was all good, then it took a twist at the end. I like that you renamed the characters. It makes them seem more modern and accessible.
ReplyDeleteHello Limayre,
ReplyDeleteIt is so funny that you used the names Jake and Justin, because Jake is my brother's name. I was laughing the whole time reading this, but I definitely recognized this tale instantaneously while reading it. I like how you changed the ending to show that all of the hard-working brother's thoughts were turning against his brother that was using him. I definitely liked the plot twist!
Hi Limayre,
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job of retelling this story. The language you used made the story a very visual experience for me. I could even hear accents when the people were speaking. I like your point in the author's note of how hard it is, to find an honest person. I think it has always been so, and that is why the stories are a good tell, because it is out of the ordinary. But for us sometimes we are desensitized to it because we always expect people to do the right thing, like in all the stories we read. For us, it is shocking when people do something wrong. I like how you ended the story on the precipice of his heart growing dark, and we are left to imagine what comes next.
Hey Limayre,
ReplyDeleteI also read this story and I really loved it. The original caught my eye and that’s why I chose it for my storytelling story, as well. I love what you have done with the story and turned it into something more relatable in our society today. The diction in the original story was somewhat hard to understand so I love that this story made it much easier to understand and pay attention to. I would love to know more about what happens with the brother and the wife. I know the original story continues but I would love to hear it in this story, as well. Great job!